5 Rules When Divorcing a Narcissist 

Written By James R. Cook, II (J.R.)

5 Rules When Divorcing a Narcissist  

1. Don’t Waste Your Time Arguing with the Narcissist 

Narcissists are not rational thinkers and will never admit when they are wrong. They seek vindication to show that they are always right and sometimes engage in tantrums in the form of deflections as a distraction to the real issue. The narcissist will engage in “gaslighting” in hopes of extracting an emotional reaction out of you -- Do not play into these attempts. If the Narcissist begins harassing you while the divorce is pending, speak with your divorce attorney as there are legal remedies to address harassing or threatening behavior. 

2. Document the Narcissist’s Behavior

If you see proof of the Narcissist’s bad judgment or aggressive behavior, whether it be in person, through texts or email, or on social media, then document it and save it in a safe place. If the case is not settled at mediation or prior to a trial or hearing, then your divorce attorney will need this information and documentation to prepare an aggressive and convincing case on your behalf.  

3. Hire an Experienced and Reputable Divorce Attorney

If you are having a problem with your eyes, you are not going to make an appointment with your dentist. The same logic applies in the legal world -  not all attorneys (even divorce attorneys) are created equal. Do your research and ensure your attorney has experience in complex divorce and custody law involving a narcissist. 

4. Develop a Support System 

When divorcing a Narcissist, you can expect it to be complicated and the Narcissist will attempt to discredit and blindside you; however, however, if you have surrounded yourself with close family, friends, counselors and the right divorce attorney, then you will not have to battle this behavior alone.

5. Take Care of Yourself

Divorcing a Narcissist is not an instant process. It is more like a marathon rather than a sprint. Some cases are resolved in a couple of months while others take much longer. Regardless, try to eat right, sleep well, and rely on the support group mentioned above. Keep in mind, you are about to get a fresh start. 

James R. Cook, II (J.R.)

James R. Cook, II ("J.R.") is a family law and civil litigation attorney licensed to practice law in both State and Federal court. J.R. earned his undergraduate degree from Marshall University in Huntington, West Virginia and his Juris Doctorate degree from the Appalachian School of Law in Grundy, Virginia. While attending law school, J.R. served as a Court Appointed Special Advocate representing the best interest of children in child custody cases; earned extensive training in negotiation, mediation and arbitration; and completed 150+ hours of community service.

J.R. has been recognized by numerous legal organizations for his outstanding family law accomplishments, including being named a Top 10 Family Law Attorney by Attorney and Practice Magazine, a Top 10 Attorney Under 40, and the Avvo Client's Choice Award for five (5) consecutive years. J.R. practices almost exclusively in the area of family law and has extensive experience handling high and low asset divorces, complicated custody disputes, adoptions, and other family law related matters. He understands how stressful, intimidating and complicated lawsuits may be; therefore, it is his goal to make sure every client receives aggressive, dependable and fair representation.

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